Why I Decided to Turn Down a Job Interview
Am I crazy? I get the feeling that some people think that I am.
I was called for a job interview. I turned it down.
The job was located in downtown New York City, near the new World Trade Center. I was aware of this when I applied for it; but a woman I know at the company told me they’d been allowing more telecommuting there. This gave me hope – actually, in hindsight, I think I deluded myself into believing – that if they wanted me, then of course they’d simply permit me to work from home.
But I’d just been told, quite definitively, by the recruiter who called me for the interview that it was “not a telecommuting position.”
A little background about me: even though I only live about 15 miles from New York City, I’ve never been a big fan of “going into the city.” I don’t like the crowds, the noise, the traffic. Then, after 9/11 happened, I told myself I would never work there. I don’t want to work in a place that’s a terrorist target. A couple of people from my little New Jersey town died in the World Trade Center on 9/11.
These aren’t the only reasons I don’t want to work in the city. I know I’d be drained by the stressful (for me) routine of driving to the train, taking that train to another station, and then switching trains to get to downtown NYC – and then reversing it later – day in and day out. It’s not the distance, it’s the time and the aggravation caused by bad weather and power outages and accidents and Presidential visits.
A friend of mine used to commute to the city. She was exhausted by it. I talked to her about it and she emailed me: “Do. Not. Do. It.”
To get back to my original point, since I’ve been out of work for 2½ years, some people thought I should go for the interview anyway. How could I eliminate an entire city’s worth of jobs from consideration just because I don’t want that commute? Beggars can’t be choosers, right?
So I tried to change my thinking. I thought that maybe I could talk myself into working in the city if an interesting opportunity arose. This job really did sound like a great one for me. I thought about it and I tried to convince myself that I should go for it.
Finally, I realized that, in addition to my aversion to the commute, I also had to consider the fact that, during my lengthy unemployment, I’ve created an extensive life outside of work.
I really do have “my unemployed life.”
For example, I expect to be co-president of the New Jersey chapter of the Association for Women in Communications for the next two years. This is a serious commitment and one that will require significant time and effort. I’ve also signed up to work for one of the presidential candidates’ campaigns in my state. And I recently learned of a volunteer opportunity to provide communications support to a health-related organization in my area; since I have a special interest in health communications, I’d really like to do this.
In addition to these activities, I’m devoted to my long-time boyfriend, my son, my dog and my two cats. And to a lot of other people and things too: my life is surprisingly full.
All of these require – me. A daily commute to and from the city, I worried, would leave me worn out and tired, with little time and energy left to do and be with the things and people and pets and causes I love and believe in – to live my actual life.
That was it. I feared losing my life.
That’s why I decided I couldn’t go for the interview in New York City.
[And please, don’t get mad at me for having a (dwindling) monetary cushion that enables me to pick and choose where I want to work. I’m not a spoiled princess; I’m a woman who was widowed at 40 and still has a bit of a nest egg left over.]
I don’t blame you if you think that, in these times when interviews are hard to come by, I was foolish to pass one up. I understand that this wouldn’t have been everyone’s choice. I just know that, for me, it was the right one.
CMFAS55
8:20 am on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran - you can choose to do whatever you wish, it's your life - hopefully you won't run out of money. But you get close to hitting on a point that is not often mentioned in this economic downturn. Throughout history people would move to where jobs are and out of necessity were more willing to sacrifice by moving or commuting long distances to get an available job. Right now North Dakota is in the midst of an oil boom, has an unemployment rate of under 1% and needs a lot more workers and will pay fairly well. Yet NJ has an unemployment rate of something like 10%? I understand that many don't want to pick up and move to another part of the country, but historically people have migrated for employment which includes leaving your home country (the big reason why my ancestors came here) to find work, make a better life and take care of a family.
And this also means taking jobs that aren't necessarily in the field you really want to work in. I am fortunate that I have a great career and job security - but this was not what I set out to do or in the field that my college and post-grad education trained me for. I got a decent offer, figured that it was work (which as the name implies means it will be a bit unpleasant at times) and wasn't going to look like the television sitcom version of the workplace. So far it has worked out well for me. More people need to be willing to work wherever they can and seize any opportunity to do so.
Fran Hopkins
12:29 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
I agree with you, CMFAS55, that in general, the unemployed should be willing to move to where the jobs are; and with New Jersey's 9.8 percent unemployment rate, we know that the jobs aren't here.
We also have to be flexible and can't necessarily hold out for that "dream job." I find, though, that there's an opposite problem these days: employers aren't willing to give you a chance to grow into a new job in a different field anymore. If you don't already possess every qualification, you're screened out. So even when the applicant is willing to be flexible, the potential employer isn't.
Irene Smith
11:25 am on Monday, August 20, 2012
I am an unemployed legal secretary with years of experience and my former employer and I were both devastated by my lay off. As unemployment extension benefits have ceased in NJ (effective June of this year) I am terrified, have no savings, etc. I would take any job that could pay my rent/bills/food. Working from home, were it an option would be perfect for me, as I have no car. Wish I had the nest egg the first writer has, but would never judge her as she is the ruler of her life and knows what is best. These are frightening times. It amazes me that you can be a viable worker one day, and be close to homelessness the next. But it can happen. Good luck to all of us in our daily struggles.
Fran Hopkins
12:29 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
"These are frightening times." Irene, I agree with you on this. I've heard so many stories like yours -- of people who did everything "right," went to school, got jobs, worked hard, gained experience, and then one day -- boom! It's suddenly over and now no one wants to rehire us. It's been a shock for too many people like you and me. I'm hanging on to the hope that the economy will recover in the not-too-distant future. Good luck to you too.
Ron Mullen
11:25 am on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran, I believe this summers heat wave (hottest since 1921) has clouded a ot of peoples's thought process. The commute to dtn manhattan doesn't require you to transfer trains, at least if you commute at normal hours. Plus you can take a boat to the other side to break up the routine. I go out of my way to take the Hoboken line home because the Penn Sta lines are always having problems. Diowntown is alive with a lot of new companies. Conde Nast is moving its hdq's to one of the new WTC bldg's.
Would you rather drive 70 miles a day in NJ and never have time to read a newspaper again?
Note: As I see it "the dog" is the main problem.
Fran Hopkins
12:09 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
LOL -- thanks for your humorous comments, Ron. My information about the commute to downtown Manhattan came from someone who did it for years; maybe it's changed since he worked down there. And you do have a point about a 70-mile roundtrip drive in New Jersey, which doesn't sound appealing at all. You're also right that I'm very attached to my little Pug!
Allen Cleirbaut
11:25 am on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran...you have my support too. NY jobs are no picnic for commuters and the transportation have to allow for a doubling in bridge tunnel increases which could take a substantial amount of cash per week. Hang in there. Allen
Fran Hopkins
12:09 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
I forgot about the rising costs associated with public transportation. And is there still a tax that New Jersey residents who work in New York have to pay? Thanks for your support, Allen!
Ted Westhelle
12:29 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran I don't think you're crazy or a spoiled princess, just a bit confused about what you want right now, and more importantly in a position of financial privilege. No reason at all to apologize for either, as far as I'm concerned. But I do think your commentary fails to communicate any true appreciation of your relative financial position, and therefore comes across (perhaps unfairly, I hope) as lacking empathy for the vast majority who have far less flexibility, particularly in the current environment. Please re-read your words after putting yourself in the shoes of say the 15-20% of Americans who live in poverty, middle class parents who live paycheck to paycheck, or the MBA who finally had to take a job at Best Buy. Ain't pretty, is it. I repeat there's nothing wrong with having a financial cushion and using it to hold out for a more perfect job and/or to figure out what you really want out of life. But your circumstance is hardly interesting, and more importantly I wish the privileged would in general be more cognizant of their circumstance, and thoughtful about shouting it from the rooftop. Ted Westhelle, South Orange
Ted Westhelle, South Orange
Fran Hopkins
5:31 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
Ted, thank you for your comments. When I started writing this blog in May 2011, I said that I was going to write about my personal experience of unemployment. I don't know who the "typical" unemployed person is, but I surely know from the responses I've received since last year that too many people are suffering in a much more devastating way than I am.
I also know that many people have said that they appreciate my blog because it helps them to know that they're not alone; I write about the things that they're feeling and experiencing too. I hope that this blog has helped people more than it has hurt anyone.
Edna Heimowitz
12:40 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
My husband's advice to me, our son, and anyone else who has asked, is never trun down a job you haven't been offered. Who knows what the interview might turn up.
Fran Hopkins
5:38 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
And in general, I would agree that this is sound advice! Thanks, Edna.
Edna Heimowitz
12:40 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
"turn" sorry
Rachel S.
4:14 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran, I too ama writer/editor who works in a similar field as you. I take the NJ Transit train into the city every day from a town on the Morris and Essex line for my full-time corporate communications position at an architectural and engineering firm. I'm surprised to hear you say you don't want to work in the city considering the sheer number of firms located there. Aren't you ruling out a lot of potential employers by taking that stance? Why live 15 miles from NYC if you're not going to consider working there? Not to mention at many firms the pay scales are higher in NYC than they are in NJ.
By the way, it's true that the commuting can be tiring but it's really not that bad. And I love having uninterrupted time to read twice a day.
Secondly, I admire the volunteer commitments you've taken on. It's always good to have some structure when you're unemployed, and your volunteer work is definitely something you can talk about on job interviews. But if you take on that third volunteer commitment (the one at the health-related organization), when will you have time to job hunt? Just something to think about.
Best of luck in your job search.
Fran Hopkins
5:41 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
Thanks, Rachel. I don't actually live here because it's close to New York City but because I'm a dyed-in-the-wool "Jersey Girl" (I've lived my whole life in this area). You're right that I need to be careful that volunteer commitments don't interfere with my job search.
wawona1
4:52 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran, I used to work in the World Financial Center, right opposite Ground Zero. I just drove to Harrison, parked in a nice garage immediately adjacent to the PATH, and took the PATH directly to the WTC station, about 5 minutes. No fuss, no muss.
But I have to agree with the other poster: why on earth would you give up on all the jobs in NYC if you're this desperate for work? You could always get a foot in the door and negotiate one or two days a week from home. Seems short-sighted to me.
CC
5:41 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
The fact that this is even an article is absurd, not to mention the content.
Fran Hopkins
7:12 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
See, this is where I can learn from people who read this blog. I never knew that the trip into the city could be short and sweet. Maybe I'll have to give this some thought and reconsider my position. Thanks for the input!
Erica Martell
7:12 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
You need to consider every job for its opportunities, not its limitations. As my career coach said to me, you can always turn down a job. In the meantime, rule everything in until an offer has been made. The job offer needs to be mutually beneficial. I'm sharing my points of view here, not judging yours. You may have valid reasons for "turning it down" but you may also have limited yourself from a great opportunity.
Fran Hopkins
10:16 am on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I can't truthfully argue with a single word you've said. Thanks for your perspective, Erica.
Diana Galer
7:27 pm on Monday, August 20, 2012
Fran, being open to opportunity is essential to finding a new job. Even if the recruiter said that the job was not meant for telecommuting, there is always a possibility that it could become so in the future. Staying open to possibilities and not closing doors, even before they open is critical. What else is going on here?
Fran Hopkins
10:16 am on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Honestly, I think the only thing "going on here" is that I don't like the city, don't want to commute there and have no desire to work there. I really don't think there's anything more to it than that.
You and Erica are right that I need to remain open to opportunities and possibilities; but -- and I don't know what else to call it -- I just had a gut feeling that this would not be good for me.
Laura McDonald
10:31 am on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
If you don't like the city, don't want to commute and don't want to work there - then the mindset is not right for working in the city. You have to be 100% on board with the daily hike/commute - I did it for 10 years and it does take a lot out of you. But like any job there are pros/cons and you just have to decide what's best for you - it's your life.
Fran Hopkins
12:43 pm on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Laura, thanks for your comments, especially "You have to be 100% on board with the daily hike/commute - I did it for 10 years and it does take a lot out of you." This is what I felt (and still feel) and this is why I didn't think it would be right for me.
Elizabeth
2:03 pm on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I think it is possible you have erected an artificial barrier for yourself. It isn't always helpful to make life decisions based on fear. You state you afraid of what a commute MIGHT mean for you but the truth is you have never commuted so you are assuming that your friends unpleasant experience will be your as well.
There is a n equal chance that you would love your new job; would not mind the commute (reading for pleasure--hooray!); and be able to work your schedule to fit your new life. But if you just eliminate based on fear, you will never know.
Denise
9:45 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Great point Elizabeth. I'm going for a job interview on Long Island although I live in NJ for that same reason! I'm going with an open mind, you never know! For those that are eager to get back to work after an extended time of no work, I believe they will consider all opportunities in their desired field.
It reminds me of when my son moans that he's hungry, yet there's an uneaten sandwich in front of him. When I tell him to eat it, he says he doesn't like it. My response is usually if you're really as hungry as you say you are you'll eat it. I think the concept is the same for the job search.
Denise
9:45 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Fran, I think due to your financial cushion you can afford to be selective. However once that runs dry, you may not be able to be as selective anymore and may very well end up working in the city. Hopefully it won't come to that since you really hate the city. Which brings up another topic, since I'm a native NYer, how can you hate the big apple? I know another topic for another blog... However years ago my mindset was the exact opposite of yours, I had only ever worked in the city and when I lost my city job and had to take a job in NJ where I would have to drive and be cooped up in a building in the middle of nowhere all day and have to drive just to get lunch, it was a big change for me. I accepted the job thinking I'll stay until the job market changes then go back to a city job, well I ended staying there for 10 yrs. As a NYer I said I could never move to NJ, yet I've been here for 22 yrs. now. The point is be open minded what seems so horrible may not really be horrible once you try it and you may end up liking it.
Fran Hopkins
10:46 am on Friday, August 24, 2012
Elizabeth and Denise, I appreciate your comments. In general, I do believe in being open to possibilities, including ones I wouldn't have considered before; but if I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable working in the city, then I don't think I should do it. Stories like this morning's breaking news don't entice me to work there either: http://www.northjersey.com/news/ny_metro/Officials_Several_people_shot_outside_the_Empire_State_Building.html
Denise
12:34 pm on Friday, August 24, 2012
I'm sure you're aware that shootings like this happen all over the world not just in NY. It happens in NJ, Colorado, FL, etc. There's crime all over and NJ is known for car jackings... So don't make this the reason not to work in NY. My point is you don't know until you try. You're basing your decision on fear as another poster mentioned and I've always learned that FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real. But as Laura mentioned you most likely would not be happy working in the city because your mind is already telling you that you won't be happy; self fulfilling prophecy at work. I hope your dream job in NJ opens up for you and will continue reading your blogs when I can, as some of them are encouraging and I learn so much from the comments as well for my job transition.